* Theme from Sparta FC #2
** Totally Wired
*** How I wrote Elastic Man
**** Firey Jack
***** Ghost in my House
Insomnia continues so have been trying a new tack. Question: who would be my top 9 (10 including me) guests at my dream diner party? Am allowed anyone from history alive or dead but no-one fictional or mythological (like the devil or Jesus, etc) or characters from films or books (so no Homer Simpson). Got to have the right blend - most important. This was meant to send me to sleep but I ended up getting a pad and pen and actually writing down the names. After numerous drafts I finally settled with:
Karl Popper
Groucho Marx
Joe Strummer
Ali Ross (to serve the wine)
Fidel Castro
Peter Osgood
Mark E Smith
Derek Underwood
Anne Frank
Me
Okay so there is only one woman/girl but I reckon she could hold her own. Joe and Mark would end up fighting and Groucho would have to break it up. Karl would listen and (as a philosopher who fine-tuned Logical Positivism for western minds) would probably end up getting wankered. Fidel and Groucho would do a comedy routine. Ossie and Underwood would swap stories of sporting endeavour with me and Ali trying to chip in and Anne and Ali would end up snogging. Perfect. Until I change my mind on my final 10 again (loads in reserve: like Issac Newton - a right bastard by all accounts, De-Vinci, my parents, etc)
My favourite guest would be Mark E Smith from the Fall; the band that the great John Peel (another reserve) said should be used as a yardstick for all other bands. I have been reading Mark's (excellent) autobiography at night, as yet another aid to insomnia, and it is a cracking read. He IS bonkers. No doubt about it. So I checked out The Fall selection on my ipod. Did you know that "Theme from Sparta FC #2" is used as the soundtrack to the BBC's Final Score at Saturday tea time? Mark was invited to read out the scores in place of James Alexander Gordon last year and did it completely sober - which was a first. So this was my song of choice as I drove to the ground ahead of the Sampfords game on Saturday:
Come on I will show you how I will change/
When you give me something to slaughter/
Shepherd boy (hey)/
Everybody sing (hey)/
Better act quick (hey)/
Be my toy/
Come on have a bet/
We live on blood/
We are Sparta FC
The song is actually about English footie fans getting a right kicking abroad (something the BBC failed to notice). I thought Canfield would be doing the kicking on Saturday but oh no; the kicking boot was well on the other foot. We were the something to slaughter alright. I won the toss and inserted (on Bretty's advice) and we bowled pretty well with Brucie (welcome back again) taking 3 wickets bowling loopy off spin. I bowled leg spin from the other end and got 2 wickets with Paul getting 3 for the 2nd match running and being on a hat-trick for the 2nd match running. But they got 267 which was a tough ask.
We were down on a few regulars - no Ali, Mike, Steve Oakey etc but Bomber was playing and so was Andy D and Jamie of course. We just about made it past the drink interval scoring 90-odd and a defeat by 180-odd runs. The Rayner boys did their best and so did 10 year old Tom Pearson but we were slaughtered and our winning run has come to an end in fine Canfield style.
Man of Match: Jo - for her excellent tea
Champagne moment: me for winning the toss
Mug of the match: us lot for turning up
There were some highlights: their no. 3 bat getting out on 98 off a no-ball was funny (well caught Jamie) and their 'keeper getting a duck (caught by one of their sub fielders as well) for the 5th game in a row without scoring was a bit funny. And Paul bowled well. But with the team we had the top order had to bat well and that never happened. And us bowlers were a tad expensive at the death (they put on 60 in the last 8 overs). Never mind.
Three more games to go. East Haningfield (a) next week, Eastons (h) - when I will be in Monaco - and finally North Weald Basset (h). The Saturday after the last game, on the 20th there is a Sat v Sun XI 20: twenty thrash-a-bout with a curry to follow in the clubhouse. A good way to end the season.
Anyway. I have some work to do, And, if you are reading this at your desk, so do you.
Till next week
We have to pay for everything/
But some things are for free/
We live on blood/
We are Sampfords CC/
Oh belt up Mark and pass the butter.
Laters
Nipples
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Monday, 18 August 2008
Girls Allowed?****
* Primark
** TK Max
*** Urban Outfitters
**** Top Shop
***** New Look
I seem to have spent an inordinate amount of time recently sharing intricate details of my private life with all and sundry at GCCC and not, I might add, at my bequest. So I'm imposing an immediate moratorium on the subject that is, Capt Nipples' Private Life. But as a parting shot, did you know I'm a dreadful insomniac? Of yes, my other non-bat & ball mates know this well. Famous for it. And over the years I have come up with numerous ways of drooping off in the wee small hours, including the shots I play in my imagination to bring me my maiden century. I usually fall asleep in the mid 30s (even in sleep life mocks me). Failing that, I spend my time re-editing the top 6 things that would go in my own personal Room 101.
Now plump up the cushions and make yourself comfy; I have loads of things that annoy me or that I hate or have a phobia of. Such as: New Years Eve, People Who Wear Trainers Without Laces in Them, Royal Mail Delivery Vans, Airports, Submarines, Hospitals, White Wine, The Middle Class - I could go on. These (and other things) jostle for positions 2,3,4,5. But number 1 is always the same. Always. Gentleman I give you - The Olympics.
It goes on too long, "Team GB" are hopeless under-achievers (and yes I include the current Olympics in that comment), and the sports? Why are some in (5 meter air rifle shooting anyone?) and some not (like cricket?). As AA Gill says the problem with The Olympiad (Olympiad?) is it's too much sport and not enough Games. I might like it more if it included gamey-type sports like Snooker, Darts, 10-Pin Bowling, Shove a'penny, etc. But it's so dull. And its doubled up with a men's race then a woman's race - why not do mixed racing and give the girls, I dunno, a 1/2 lap head start or something? Or handicap the male runners like in horse racing?
Which is a neat step into this week blog theme which is that political hot potato of Girls on a Cricket Field. Now don't all start up at once. I don't really mind (honest). It just LOOKS WRONG. Like female Black Cab Drivers or Old People eating Pizza there is something suss about it. And of course, it brings in the added embarrassment factor. Like getting bowled or caught by one. Being caught or bowled by a small boy is bad enough. But a girl? Can you imagine the grief?
North Weald (or North Weald Basset to give them their full name) had a girl in their team. A 13-year old called Laura. This was a master stroke by their skipper - guaranteed to get us panicking before the game even started. The Wealders are a really nice bunch actually and, having lost out to them last season at our place, I was keen for a win at their council rec ground. Y'know the type of ground- bumpy pitch, bumpy outfield, local chavs in football tops kicking a football about in the outfield. Sigh. I lost the toss and we were put in. The bounce was a tad uneven to say the least. It took Ali 32 overs and 6 hours to score 7 runs (or that's what it seemed like) but, with contributions from Steve Oakey (45), Bretty (30-odd) Andy D and - it has to be said - myself, we got to 173 which on that pitch was a bit of score. It was a timed game so they had to chase after tea and were never up with the rate, losing there 3 best batters cheaply and scoring at 2 an over. Paul got 3 wickets and a hat-trick chance and there were 2 wickets for Charlie ("oooh - I have a nosebleed"), Nipples and 1 each for Ali, Steve and Jamie. All out for 120-odd with 3 overs left.
Laura did okay and we did slow it down for her which is as it should be. Angus even gave here some advice at the crease. Good stuff. But we stuffed them basically - which was only the 2nd game they had lost all season or so they said. Go us. Win number 7, which equals last seasons total and we still have, what 4-5 games to go?
Man of the Match: Steve for his knock that helped us push on
Moan of the Match: BGB for getting a nosebleed (!)
Champagne Moment: Now then - it's me. I don't give myself much credit in the blog other than being the Comic Relief, but, that ball? The one that pitched way outside leg, spat, jumped and turned to whizz past off? Yes that one. The one the batsman said was a "miracle ball". That the CPM this week - so there.
Well done everyone. Next week we're at home to Sampfords (who we did the double over us last year) but they beat us at their place earlier in the season when we only had 9 players (two of which were youngsters). Another local derby where revenge is due. Win number 8? Let's do it.
When I think about it we do have a girl in our side already. I'm sure we do. From a distance I mean. Tall, flowing curly locks, wears a big girls blouse. Any clues as to who I mean....
Till next week.
Nipples
** TK Max
*** Urban Outfitters
**** Top Shop
***** New Look
I seem to have spent an inordinate amount of time recently sharing intricate details of my private life with all and sundry at GCCC and not, I might add, at my bequest. So I'm imposing an immediate moratorium on the subject that is, Capt Nipples' Private Life. But as a parting shot, did you know I'm a dreadful insomniac? Of yes, my other non-bat & ball mates know this well. Famous for it. And over the years I have come up with numerous ways of drooping off in the wee small hours, including the shots I play in my imagination to bring me my maiden century. I usually fall asleep in the mid 30s (even in sleep life mocks me). Failing that, I spend my time re-editing the top 6 things that would go in my own personal Room 101.
Now plump up the cushions and make yourself comfy; I have loads of things that annoy me or that I hate or have a phobia of. Such as: New Years Eve, People Who Wear Trainers Without Laces in Them, Royal Mail Delivery Vans, Airports, Submarines, Hospitals, White Wine, The Middle Class - I could go on. These (and other things) jostle for positions 2,3,4,5. But number 1 is always the same. Always. Gentleman I give you - The Olympics.
It goes on too long, "Team GB" are hopeless under-achievers (and yes I include the current Olympics in that comment), and the sports? Why are some in (5 meter air rifle shooting anyone?) and some not (like cricket?). As AA Gill says the problem with The Olympiad (Olympiad?) is it's too much sport and not enough Games. I might like it more if it included gamey-type sports like Snooker, Darts, 10-Pin Bowling, Shove a'penny, etc. But it's so dull. And its doubled up with a men's race then a woman's race - why not do mixed racing and give the girls, I dunno, a 1/2 lap head start or something? Or handicap the male runners like in horse racing?
Which is a neat step into this week blog theme which is that political hot potato of Girls on a Cricket Field. Now don't all start up at once. I don't really mind (honest). It just LOOKS WRONG. Like female Black Cab Drivers or Old People eating Pizza there is something suss about it. And of course, it brings in the added embarrassment factor. Like getting bowled or caught by one. Being caught or bowled by a small boy is bad enough. But a girl? Can you imagine the grief?
North Weald (or North Weald Basset to give them their full name) had a girl in their team. A 13-year old called Laura. This was a master stroke by their skipper - guaranteed to get us panicking before the game even started. The Wealders are a really nice bunch actually and, having lost out to them last season at our place, I was keen for a win at their council rec ground. Y'know the type of ground- bumpy pitch, bumpy outfield, local chavs in football tops kicking a football about in the outfield. Sigh. I lost the toss and we were put in. The bounce was a tad uneven to say the least. It took Ali 32 overs and 6 hours to score 7 runs (or that's what it seemed like) but, with contributions from Steve Oakey (45), Bretty (30-odd) Andy D and - it has to be said - myself, we got to 173 which on that pitch was a bit of score. It was a timed game so they had to chase after tea and were never up with the rate, losing there 3 best batters cheaply and scoring at 2 an over. Paul got 3 wickets and a hat-trick chance and there were 2 wickets for Charlie ("oooh - I have a nosebleed"), Nipples and 1 each for Ali, Steve and Jamie. All out for 120-odd with 3 overs left.
Laura did okay and we did slow it down for her which is as it should be. Angus even gave here some advice at the crease. Good stuff. But we stuffed them basically - which was only the 2nd game they had lost all season or so they said. Go us. Win number 7, which equals last seasons total and we still have, what 4-5 games to go?
Man of the Match: Steve for his knock that helped us push on
Moan of the Match: BGB for getting a nosebleed (!)
Champagne Moment: Now then - it's me. I don't give myself much credit in the blog other than being the Comic Relief, but, that ball? The one that pitched way outside leg, spat, jumped and turned to whizz past off? Yes that one. The one the batsman said was a "miracle ball". That the CPM this week - so there.
Well done everyone. Next week we're at home to Sampfords (who we did the double over us last year) but they beat us at their place earlier in the season when we only had 9 players (two of which were youngsters). Another local derby where revenge is due. Win number 8? Let's do it.
When I think about it we do have a girl in our side already. I'm sure we do. From a distance I mean. Tall, flowing curly locks, wears a big girls blouse. Any clues as to who I mean....
Till next week.
Nipples
Monday, 11 August 2008
The Art of Captaincy?
Saturday's home game against Lindsel was a wash-out. We gave it a half-hearted go for 15 overs but the drizzle was the only winner on the day. So we all retired for an early tea (thanks to JW and family for another superb home baked effort) and beers. Simply can't believe it's August...
When I was made captain a couple of seasons ago I ordered Mike Brearly's excellent book The Art of Captaincy online and read it cover to cover to get some knowledge and inspiration. A week or so before the first game Clint popped by and, very kindly, presented me with another copy - a battered well thumbed 2nd hand edition together with his best wishes (thanks Clint). When my mate Ian Butler pooped down from Birmingham half-way through my first season he bought me a copy as well. Then Will Beagles bought me one when S.T.A.R.T played us in May. That's FOUR copies now - what are people trying to tell me I wonder?
But, and how odd is this, joking aside GCCC Sat XI have won 13 matches during my reign thus far - loads more than in previous seasons. And it looks like we will surpass the number of wins this season compared to last year with much the same players and opposition. Which begs the question, what is Captain Nipples' Art of Captaincy? Well, as it's a bit of a dud week blog-wise what with no game to report, I shall tell you my 'rules'. Feel free to take the piss. Believe it or not I do have a strategy for skippering the team and its kinda routed in my approach to business management and 'leadership'. Comments welcome.
Captain Nipples and his Art of Captaincy
Rule 1. Remember Why We Are Here. Now this can be easy to forget in the heat of the battle but we give up our Saturdays because we love the game so much. It is a very enjoyable thing to do. But this 'thing' is not just about playing. For a lot of our players there is a lot of standing around in the field and sitting around waiting to bat. There is a lot of 'dead time' during a match. Rule 1 is about making this dead time meaningful. Larking about, banter, encouragement, that sort of thing. I try to foster an atmosphere of conviviality before during and after the game. That is why we are here.
Rule 2. Balance the Side. There are good players and less good players, youngsters and oldies, batters and bowlers, fit players and, err Bretty. Although selection is usually limited by who is available I try and get a balanced side and I always try to include one youngster like Robert Halls or Tom Pierson or Harry Rayner - the future of the club. That's my policy. A balanced side means we always have a chance. How many teams have we played who could bat or bowl but not do both? A balanced side doesn't mean our strongest side or our 'best' side. I go for a balanced side every time.
Rule 3. Be Receptive to Help and Advice. Less enlightened skippers might consider un-asked for suggestions or advice or opinion as somehow denting their authority. I don't understand that. There a a lot more experienced and more talented players in the team than me and only a fool would ignore their advice. Ali, Mike, Angus etc all tend to spot things I have missed. Only an idiot would not listen to his lieutenants. Sometimes you have to make a ruling if 4 players have 4 different opinions but Rule 3 is about listening. Listening is actually what leadership is all about. That's one thing in business I know to be true.
Rule 4. Bring Players On. I'm a big fan of changing the batting order, promoting players up the order who rarely get a bat so they can get time at the crease and get used to being there, for changing the bowling attack, etc. It keeps things fresh and it usually works - see how well Gus has batted this season? And instilling confidence in young talented players like Charlie (BGB) and seeing them rise to the challenge is great to see. Give everyone a game but also give them targets to go for. I don't ever want to patronise players by 'giving them a game'. I want it to feel real. To matter.
Rule 5. Conduct Yourself Appropriately. Remember who you are and what you represent. I am very proud of GCCC and for what the club stands for. I don't go for histrionics, I don't sledge or abuse the opposition, I don't sulk or mooch about. Players take their cue from the skipper and behaving like a twat is not on. I'm much more likely to laugh at myself than anyone in the team (apart from Ali, or Panther) - JOKING!
Rule 6. It is not a Sin to Compete. We don't play to win at all costs but neither are we other team's punch bags any more. It's fun to win - to deal with the pressure and overcome our personal demons and to make a contribution - fielding, catching, runs or wickets. Competing the right way is key. It's the hardest part of skippering in my view.
Rule 7. The Players Must Want You to Skipper Them. If they don't wanna play for you or don't enjoy it you are dead in the water. Which is why fostering the right atmosphere and attitude is so important. I can't lead by example with my batting or my fielding. Maybe with the ball sometimes. But that doesn't have to matter if you get the 'important' things right.
And that's it. The tactical stuff on the pitch is a lot easier for me now. If you trust your bowlers and they know you trust them then they will do they best and enjoy it. And the team will field hard for them because they want to. That's true team spirit in my opinion. And I think GCCC Sat XI has the best team spirit of all the teams we play.
Things like setting a leg side field when Paul bowls or making sure Jamie fields in a catching position or that Panther patrols the cover boundary because of his speed, etc you just kind pick up as you go along. It's no big deal. But boy do we play well together. And its great to see.
So there you are the 7 Rules of Captain Nipples. Comments most welcome.
Next Saturday we are away to North Weald who we really should have walloped last year but we let them off the hook and they sneaked a victory. I'll email location of the ground, etc during the week. Let's see if I can put my 7 Rule into practise (7 Rules? honestly what a tosser I am...). But I know what I'm doing..... sort of.
See you on Saturday weather permitting.
Cheers
Nipples
When I was made captain a couple of seasons ago I ordered Mike Brearly's excellent book The Art of Captaincy online and read it cover to cover to get some knowledge and inspiration. A week or so before the first game Clint popped by and, very kindly, presented me with another copy - a battered well thumbed 2nd hand edition together with his best wishes (thanks Clint). When my mate Ian Butler pooped down from Birmingham half-way through my first season he bought me a copy as well. Then Will Beagles bought me one when S.T.A.R.T played us in May. That's FOUR copies now - what are people trying to tell me I wonder?
But, and how odd is this, joking aside GCCC Sat XI have won 13 matches during my reign thus far - loads more than in previous seasons. And it looks like we will surpass the number of wins this season compared to last year with much the same players and opposition. Which begs the question, what is Captain Nipples' Art of Captaincy? Well, as it's a bit of a dud week blog-wise what with no game to report, I shall tell you my 'rules'. Feel free to take the piss. Believe it or not I do have a strategy for skippering the team and its kinda routed in my approach to business management and 'leadership'. Comments welcome.
Captain Nipples and his Art of Captaincy
Rule 1. Remember Why We Are Here. Now this can be easy to forget in the heat of the battle but we give up our Saturdays because we love the game so much. It is a very enjoyable thing to do. But this 'thing' is not just about playing. For a lot of our players there is a lot of standing around in the field and sitting around waiting to bat. There is a lot of 'dead time' during a match. Rule 1 is about making this dead time meaningful. Larking about, banter, encouragement, that sort of thing. I try to foster an atmosphere of conviviality before during and after the game. That is why we are here.
Rule 2. Balance the Side. There are good players and less good players, youngsters and oldies, batters and bowlers, fit players and, err Bretty. Although selection is usually limited by who is available I try and get a balanced side and I always try to include one youngster like Robert Halls or Tom Pierson or Harry Rayner - the future of the club. That's my policy. A balanced side means we always have a chance. How many teams have we played who could bat or bowl but not do both? A balanced side doesn't mean our strongest side or our 'best' side. I go for a balanced side every time.
Rule 3. Be Receptive to Help and Advice. Less enlightened skippers might consider un-asked for suggestions or advice or opinion as somehow denting their authority. I don't understand that. There a a lot more experienced and more talented players in the team than me and only a fool would ignore their advice. Ali, Mike, Angus etc all tend to spot things I have missed. Only an idiot would not listen to his lieutenants. Sometimes you have to make a ruling if 4 players have 4 different opinions but Rule 3 is about listening. Listening is actually what leadership is all about. That's one thing in business I know to be true.
Rule 4. Bring Players On. I'm a big fan of changing the batting order, promoting players up the order who rarely get a bat so they can get time at the crease and get used to being there, for changing the bowling attack, etc. It keeps things fresh and it usually works - see how well Gus has batted this season? And instilling confidence in young talented players like Charlie (BGB) and seeing them rise to the challenge is great to see. Give everyone a game but also give them targets to go for. I don't ever want to patronise players by 'giving them a game'. I want it to feel real. To matter.
Rule 5. Conduct Yourself Appropriately. Remember who you are and what you represent. I am very proud of GCCC and for what the club stands for. I don't go for histrionics, I don't sledge or abuse the opposition, I don't sulk or mooch about. Players take their cue from the skipper and behaving like a twat is not on. I'm much more likely to laugh at myself than anyone in the team (apart from Ali, or Panther) - JOKING!
Rule 6. It is not a Sin to Compete. We don't play to win at all costs but neither are we other team's punch bags any more. It's fun to win - to deal with the pressure and overcome our personal demons and to make a contribution - fielding, catching, runs or wickets. Competing the right way is key. It's the hardest part of skippering in my view.
Rule 7. The Players Must Want You to Skipper Them. If they don't wanna play for you or don't enjoy it you are dead in the water. Which is why fostering the right atmosphere and attitude is so important. I can't lead by example with my batting or my fielding. Maybe with the ball sometimes. But that doesn't have to matter if you get the 'important' things right.
And that's it. The tactical stuff on the pitch is a lot easier for me now. If you trust your bowlers and they know you trust them then they will do they best and enjoy it. And the team will field hard for them because they want to. That's true team spirit in my opinion. And I think GCCC Sat XI has the best team spirit of all the teams we play.
Things like setting a leg side field when Paul bowls or making sure Jamie fields in a catching position or that Panther patrols the cover boundary because of his speed, etc you just kind pick up as you go along. It's no big deal. But boy do we play well together. And its great to see.
So there you are the 7 Rules of Captain Nipples. Comments most welcome.
Next Saturday we are away to North Weald who we really should have walloped last year but we let them off the hook and they sneaked a victory. I'll email location of the ground, etc during the week. Let's see if I can put my 7 Rule into practise (7 Rules? honestly what a tosser I am...). But I know what I'm doing..... sort of.
See you on Saturday weather permitting.
Cheers
Nipples
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Porkies ****
Game ratings:
* Pork sword
** Porkie pies
*** Pork-some-ham
**** Pork chop
***** Pork chop with apple sauce
Go see Avenue Q which I believe is still showing to rave reviews at the Haymarket Theatre. I took Ruth and the kids last Christmas on a friend's recommendation and it didn't disappoint. Think The Muppets meet The Rocky Horrow Show; all larger-than-life puppets operated by skilled actors with suggestive antics and very rude song lyrics. I don't do musical theatre as a rule, but this was so politically incorrect it was delicious. What other shows feature songs such as "It Sucks to be Me" or "The Internet is for Porn" or (my favorite) "Everyone's a Little Bit Racists (But That Doesn't Mean We All Want to go Off and Committ Hate Crimes")?
Everyone is a little bit racist and, I think, GCCC Sat XI were on the end of it last Saturday. Hainault were our guests and featured 10 pretty orthodox Muslim Pakistanis plus (slightly ironically) one aging white fella - the token white if you will. Now we need some cultural insight here. Unlike a lot of my team mates I lived in the East End for many years. So did Will Beagles who was guesting for Canfield for the day. We both know from experience that a) teams like this are on the receiving end of vulgar and aggressive racism all the time and they view any new white team with suspicion; they get their retaliation in first, b) Pakistani teams GENUINELY be live they are not out when given LBW but also GENUINELY believe the opposition batsman is out under the same ruling. Finally, c) they will win at all costs and consider bending the rules perfectly acceptable. It's just a cultural thing and no big deal. I thunk there is a word for it in their language that means "to win by deception/to fool the enemy" and is very much regarded as the highest form of victory. A kind of Maradona's hand-of-Ala goal if you will.
We won the toss (a good toss to win) and made 277 thanks to Mike carrying his bat for 120-odd and a swashbuckling 69 from Will Beagles (who, please note, was using my bat...). It was my turn to host tea and, err, gosh what a lot of pig meat I seem to have prepared. Oh dear - the opposition will have to pig out (oops sorry) on salad, cheese and the generous chocolate biccie selection. I didn't know they were a Muslim side. If I had I would have been more accommodating. Well, I would have got more cherry tomato's that's for sure (both garnish AND salad ingredient?)
I asked for the ball to be changed when we started after tea because it had swelled with all the rain and was out of shape. They agreed... after a consultation. Their skipper then asked if one of our non-playing members (Bretty) who was kindly helping out by umpiring could stand down as they wanted to use their own umpires (as we had when we batted). Fair enough. Bretty took it in his stride..... sort of. Well he strode off pretty quickly I know that.
And that set the tone. Charlie got a wicket in the first over and Mitch one in the second. In the third over their number 3 bat edged it behind to Jamie. It was obvious. We all heard it. We all saw it. The batsman didn't walk and the umpire.... claimed not to have heard anything. For the first time I can remember Jamie lost it and marched towards their batsman shouting "you have got to be kidding me..." Mike chipped in with "seriously bat, that is a despicable". I said something like "calm down, leave it, we've all had a drink, it aint worth it, don't touch me, etc". You HAVE to defer to the umpire. Of course the rest writes itself... Steve Oakey spends his spell trying to knock the batsman's head off and fails but does hit him smack on the big toe. But their batsman stays put and piles on the runs. There we other dubious goings on; like the batsman saying they had crossed when one wicket fell when they clearly hadn't, a ridiculous LBW that they turned down (hitting the foot in the popping crease is going to be out LBW even if you are blind) and many others. Jamie caught the offending batsman out in the end off Steve's bowling and gave an Eric Morcambe "way-ha" as he plucked the ball from the Sky. They got 180 off 24 overs and were all out.
Well bowled Charlie, Mitch and Steve and well kept Jamie. Charlie also took a couple of marvelous catches and Steve and Paul also caught a wicket a-piece.
Man of the Match: Mike for his best score in 2 years (really well played mate)
Champagne Moment: Jamie for his "way-ha" catch
Mug of the Match: Me for a pork-themed tea
We shook hands after and there were a few smiles. But they left without saying goodbye. The token white middle aged player stayed behind to reconcile the score books and said the game had been played in the right spirit! We'll end up dropping Hainault next season obviously. And that reflects poorly on us I feel. Hainault will feel hard done by by yet another white team and this will fan the implicit racial undertones for when they next play. This is a shame. And it's so not what Great Canfield are about. I wish I could have explained that to them. But wherever they go cultural misunderstanding will be the elephant in the room. Such is life.
So win number 6 of the season, one shy of last season with a lot of fixtures to go. What a skipper, huh? (er, no Jon...)
Next week we are at home to Lyndsel (GROAN). I know, I know. Look, lets just get it out of the way, maybe hold onto a draw and then go on holiday. 2pm at the ground. I need a team volunteer. Hold the pork.
See you next week.
Nipples
* Pork sword
** Porkie pies
*** Pork-some-ham
**** Pork chop
***** Pork chop with apple sauce
Go see Avenue Q which I believe is still showing to rave reviews at the Haymarket Theatre. I took Ruth and the kids last Christmas on a friend's recommendation and it didn't disappoint. Think The Muppets meet The Rocky Horrow Show; all larger-than-life puppets operated by skilled actors with suggestive antics and very rude song lyrics. I don't do musical theatre as a rule, but this was so politically incorrect it was delicious. What other shows feature songs such as "It Sucks to be Me" or "The Internet is for Porn" or (my favorite) "Everyone's a Little Bit Racists (But That Doesn't Mean We All Want to go Off and Committ Hate Crimes")?
Everyone is a little bit racist and, I think, GCCC Sat XI were on the end of it last Saturday. Hainault were our guests and featured 10 pretty orthodox Muslim Pakistanis plus (slightly ironically) one aging white fella - the token white if you will. Now we need some cultural insight here. Unlike a lot of my team mates I lived in the East End for many years. So did Will Beagles who was guesting for Canfield for the day. We both know from experience that a) teams like this are on the receiving end of vulgar and aggressive racism all the time and they view any new white team with suspicion; they get their retaliation in first, b) Pakistani teams GENUINELY be live they are not out when given LBW but also GENUINELY believe the opposition batsman is out under the same ruling. Finally, c) they will win at all costs and consider bending the rules perfectly acceptable. It's just a cultural thing and no big deal. I thunk there is a word for it in their language that means "to win by deception/to fool the enemy" and is very much regarded as the highest form of victory. A kind of Maradona's hand-of-Ala goal if you will.
We won the toss (a good toss to win) and made 277 thanks to Mike carrying his bat for 120-odd and a swashbuckling 69 from Will Beagles (who, please note, was using my bat...). It was my turn to host tea and, err, gosh what a lot of pig meat I seem to have prepared. Oh dear - the opposition will have to pig out (oops sorry) on salad, cheese and the generous chocolate biccie selection. I didn't know they were a Muslim side. If I had I would have been more accommodating. Well, I would have got more cherry tomato's that's for sure (both garnish AND salad ingredient?)
I asked for the ball to be changed when we started after tea because it had swelled with all the rain and was out of shape. They agreed... after a consultation. Their skipper then asked if one of our non-playing members (Bretty) who was kindly helping out by umpiring could stand down as they wanted to use their own umpires (as we had when we batted). Fair enough. Bretty took it in his stride..... sort of. Well he strode off pretty quickly I know that.
And that set the tone. Charlie got a wicket in the first over and Mitch one in the second. In the third over their number 3 bat edged it behind to Jamie. It was obvious. We all heard it. We all saw it. The batsman didn't walk and the umpire.... claimed not to have heard anything. For the first time I can remember Jamie lost it and marched towards their batsman shouting "you have got to be kidding me..." Mike chipped in with "seriously bat, that is a despicable". I said something like "calm down, leave it, we've all had a drink, it aint worth it, don't touch me, etc". You HAVE to defer to the umpire. Of course the rest writes itself... Steve Oakey spends his spell trying to knock the batsman's head off and fails but does hit him smack on the big toe. But their batsman stays put and piles on the runs. There we other dubious goings on; like the batsman saying they had crossed when one wicket fell when they clearly hadn't, a ridiculous LBW that they turned down (hitting the foot in the popping crease is going to be out LBW even if you are blind) and many others. Jamie caught the offending batsman out in the end off Steve's bowling and gave an Eric Morcambe "way-ha" as he plucked the ball from the Sky. They got 180 off 24 overs and were all out.
Well bowled Charlie, Mitch and Steve and well kept Jamie. Charlie also took a couple of marvelous catches and Steve and Paul also caught a wicket a-piece.
Man of the Match: Mike for his best score in 2 years (really well played mate)
Champagne Moment: Jamie for his "way-ha" catch
Mug of the Match: Me for a pork-themed tea
We shook hands after and there were a few smiles. But they left without saying goodbye. The token white middle aged player stayed behind to reconcile the score books and said the game had been played in the right spirit! We'll end up dropping Hainault next season obviously. And that reflects poorly on us I feel. Hainault will feel hard done by by yet another white team and this will fan the implicit racial undertones for when they next play. This is a shame. And it's so not what Great Canfield are about. I wish I could have explained that to them. But wherever they go cultural misunderstanding will be the elephant in the room. Such is life.
So win number 6 of the season, one shy of last season with a lot of fixtures to go. What a skipper, huh? (er, no Jon...)
Next week we are at home to Lyndsel (GROAN). I know, I know. Look, lets just get it out of the way, maybe hold onto a draw and then go on holiday. 2pm at the ground. I need a team volunteer. Hold the pork.
See you next week.
Nipples
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