Help! Help! Here Come the Bairds!

In the wonderland zoo...

There's not much to do...

Hello everyone,

September already - where has the season gone? It seems like only yesterday we were taking part in practise nets ahead of the Dunmow game. But the early conker shells on the ground and a 1.30pm start are tell-tale signs. Only a hand full of games to go in a (vein) attempt to raise my batting average and get 30+ wickets. Not that I keep count or anything.

To lift the autumnal gloom we welcome Bairds to The Park. What a great bunch they are - Alan: their 67 year old vice captain, Sonu: their friendly all-rounder, Dave: their wicket keeper, et al. It's a pity they have "gone league" and that this is their only end-of-season visit to Canfield (we normally play them twice). As good a bunch as you'll meet and always extremely sporting and encouraging to our youngsters, I recall their opening bat retired after his century last year (Lindsell's Angus please take note). My second favourite team behind the Tawney Boys. Should be good.

I called heads and "inserted" - it looked a particularly good track (thanks Jamie) but conditions would favour swing bowling (thanks Jamie). So not a suprise to see Alan bowled middle stump first ball (thanks Jamie). Without any of their bats really smacking it about and building an innings, Bairds still got a reasonable 219 all out. Why? Perhaps it was the 55 extras we gave them. Mr Bye-Wide was their top scorer. Modesty forbides but after last week's dire performance the spinning skipper took 3 wickets, including the dangerous Sonu for a duck. Well bowled Jamie and The Chair and good to see Paul and JW grab a wicket - just reward for some bad luck of late. Also well done Hepburn Minor (aka Matthew) for his two overs and overcoming the handicap of being stung by a wasp mid-delivery.

We won with 5 overs to spare with only 4 wickets down. Can you believe they bowled nearly as many byes as us? Sonu was having a shocker, apparently it was reverse swinging too much!The Chair capped a good all round display with an unbeaten half century to go with Ali's 40-odd and a great cameo from Jamie at the end.

So, victory number 6 and 32 wickets for the season for the skip'. Happy days.

Man of the Match: The Chair

Champagne Moment: Jamie's first ball wicket

Mug of the match: Mr Bye-Wide

Special thanks to Paul and Lynda for stepping in at the last minute to provide tea.

Next week we are at home to Eastons (big game this). Remember how close we came at their place? Remember THAT umpiring decision? We owe them big time. Next Sat is a 1pm start.

And finally, as the season draws to its inevitable end, the Captain's thoughts drift inescapably to nominations for player and most improved player of the year. Whilst this a club as opposed to a team award and at the discretion of the committee, as Captain I am certainly free to air my personal ideas and to canvas opinion. I decided on my personal pick for player of the year some time ago and will lobby hard for said individual. Most improved player is harder. Do you go for someone who was plain awful and is now just incompetent or someone who was average and is now good? And what about the juniors? My mind is yet to be made up on this one. Feel free to share your ideas,

There will, however, be some "unofficial" awards announced on Monday 24th September after our penultimate game of the season - for the Sat XI. Categories are tbc but are likely to include:

1. Best Tea Provider (Paul/Lynda Lucas ahead on points)

2. Best game-induced accident or injury (could be the JW/Bomber collision, Ben Davies's broken collar bone, Ali's pulled muscle, Steve's pulled calf, Preecherman's bruised ego, etc)

3. Performance of the season (a category I will not be troubling)

4. Season's champagne moment (Andy's catch against Flitch Pilgrims will take some beating)

And so on. All ideas welcome.

Thanks to Angus, Bretty, the Chair et al for the ongoing "their spinners are turning it miles, Skip" banter. I shall rise above such ribbing and re-direct you all to the end of year bowling stats. I thank you.

See you next Saturday.



Preecherman

Skipper in a Spin

Ola,

I pen this weeks blog having missed the past two matches whilst holidaying in sunny Cadiz (SW Spain) - the melanoma capital of the Med'. I'm not a big fan of summer holidays and tend to take work and the now obligatory Blackberry with me. And something always happens whilst away from the shop - every year and without fail. This time, Charlotte, my MD phoned to say our Financial Director had resigned. If this isn't aggro enough I then hear that the team selection shenanigans this past fortnight have been down to me - whilst out of the country. Blame the absent captain why don't you.

Can't say I was too sad to have missed the Lindsell game, but well bowled chaps! Ha-ha. You clearly missed your leg spinner - or so I thought. All I have heard since my return is how much turn the part-time spinners got in the following game against Hainault (where you had 12 players - well done Angus). Bomber, Harry and Bretty all turning it miles apparently. Hmm. There's only one King of Spain -time to reclaim my crown.

So against Bishop Stortford U10s on Saturday (okay u15s+colts+others) I deliberately let every other bowler go first. Then, in the last few overs with out attack clearly struggling, I'll put myself on and bowl 3-4 overs, snare as many wickets and nonchalantly glide off the park exchanging knowing glances to our part-timers. It never worked out like that.

Stortford won the toss and elected to bat on a drying pitch, which was fine by me. Their young and very pleasant team notched up 191. Well done Charley Potter for (finally) grasping the principles of control and off a shorter run-up got 3 well earned wickets and a catch off Ali. Well played. Jamie got 2 wickets and Steve bowled a very accurate and clever spell and was rewarded by a wicket courtesy of Johhny Slowman's catch at cover. And Robert Halls got another wicket! But there were still a few wickets remaining, so hail the return of the King of Spain. I bowled like a prat and from the wrong end at a time when they were hitting out. Serves me right. I was particularly impressed by my first ball that (honestly) stuck to my hand as I delivered it only to see it bounce 2 feet down the pitch... I never recovered. That's the real reason I hate holidays. Lack of practise you see...

Canfield won at a canter by 5 wickets with 6 overs in hand, thanks to Andy D's brilliant 102 no. And I just know what the rest of the team were thinking when I was batting with Andy. Fellas -it was always in hand. I could do the math (GCSE A*). Well done Andy\-\the skipper helped him home.

So let the record show a winning return for the Captain and a 5th victory of the season, with us all resplendent in our new shirts and club caps.

Man of the match: Andy Davies

Mug of the match: The Skipper

Thanks to Potter junior (and Mary for lending the lad a hand) for doing tea.

Now some house notices. Congratulations to Jonnny Slowman and Pat Hepburn on their A levels and for getting into their 1st choice uni's. We wish them well as they fly the nest. Well done to Mitch Cooper for his AS level results and also to Verity Priest for passing her GCSEs. I owe her a lot of money.

Next week we entertain Bairds at home, 1.30pm start please.

Right, back to my my holiday iPod selections. Any Johnny Cash fans?

six foot six

he stood on the ground

he weighed two hundred and thirty five pounds

but I saw that giant of a bat brought down

to his knees by ... spin

he was the kind of bat that would gamble on luck

look you in the eye and never back up

but I saw him crying like a little whipped pup

by the power of ...spin

you cant pick it with your eyes

back of the hand

take your world

and turn it all around

every since time nothings ever been found

that stronger than...spin

(Thing Called Love, J. Cash, J. Cash Records - with usual apologies)

Leave spinning to the experts.

See you next week.

Preecher.

Heroes - Just for One Day

First things first. On behalf of everyone at the club, congratulations to Andy and Claudie Davies on their marriage last Thursday and for throwing a jolly excellent bash in nearby Margaret Roding, which a few lucky Canfield regulars were able to attend. Andy was beaming and Claudie looked radiant - good luck to you both. How he was able to negotiate playing 48 hours after his wedding is anyone's guess, but well played sir. Start as you mean to go on and all that.

After the reception I settled down to watch Heroes on Sky+. It's BBC2's smash hit of the summer; a drama about a dozen or so regular joe's who, after a solar eclipse, find they have supa-dupa powers. Like being able to stop time, flying, being indestructible, that sort of thing. Not like the Spideman movies you understand, more like Dr Who meets 24.

Something similar happened on Saturday. With the sun shining (no eclipse exactly) the 11 Canfield Saturday players started to play like super cricketing heroes and ended up winning the perfect game. What are the ingredients for a perfect game? I have ten ingredients - can you add to the following list...?

1. Lovely cricketing weather (warm sunshine) - tick

2. Winning the toss - tick

3. Batting first on a good track and scoring our highest total of the season - tick

4. A maiden century for our opening bat - tick

5. Putting on 150 for the first wicket - tick

6. Our main strike bowler getting a hat-trick - tick

7. Three out-of-this-world catches - tick

8. A great cameo from our guest player who gets injured in the process - tick

9. A bit of controversy at the wicket - tick

10. A thumping win over a rival team - tickety boo

We could dedicate a whole blog to any one of these themes - it was that kind of game. A perfect game. And against our (friendly) rivals, Sampfords, who we beat at their place only a month ago? Very good, very good indeed.

Sampfords tipped up with a noticeably different side from last month. Steve their skipper said it had been a struggle for them to field a full strength side, but don't believe it. They looked up for it to me. Okay, so Alex their South African bowler was absent but their batters looked as keen as ever. Thing is, they (claimed) only to have 4 bowlers, so could we have unlimited bowling please Jon? Sure they could. In that heat? Speaking from personal experience bowlers are never the best judges of when to "take a breather" ("taking a breather" is what Captains say, but which usually means "get off now before I beat you to death with a cricket stump") and, after 8 overs or so, the Sampford's attack were going to get very ragged. And that's exactly what happened as our openers picked them off. Be careful what you wish for.

When the pound coin came down heads I just smiled at Steve who bowed his head. He knew it was going to be a struggle on that track, with a lightening outfield (thanks Bretty) and 30- degree heat. Thing is, we started at a snails pace, scoring 37 off 11 overs. Then Bomber and Ali got their game faces on just...... as their bowlers started to tire. But did they change the bowlers? No sir...

Bomber scored 119 to earn his first ever century of any kind. Well done mate - you looked as fresh at the end of the innings as when you started. Well almost. Ali got 70-odd, another good score. Andy Davies, obviously suffering from the shock of marriage, got a duck, and was followed to the crease by his brother Ben, who hadn't played for 10 years. Ben of course, could play, as his quick fire 50 showed. 278 for 4 off 40 overs. Chase that Sampfords.

And to be fair they gave it a damn good go, and were ahead of the required rate after 10 overs before I asked Charley and Paul Lucas to "take a breather". We needed to get their openers out and, not for the first time this season, I sacrificed my own personal economy rate in order to get a break-through wicket, which resulted in two fabulous catches, one low down from Ben at deep square leg, the other a juggled piece of heroe-ship from Panther at deep mid-wicket. Jamie was the next hero; wicket one was an edge. Gregg, the Sampford's deputy capt. didn't walk. The umpire half-raised his finger. "I'm not walking" insisted Gregg - perhaps a throwback to a borderline decision in Bomber's favour earlier in our innings. "I thought you hit it" said the umpire. "So is he out" we enquired?, "err, yes he is" said their umpire. Gregg tramped off. This was followed next over by Jamie's hat-trick. Bloody marvelous mate, esp as Ryan Webster (the Sampfords' 'keeper who had a SHOCKER behind the stumps) was out first ball, but to a no ball. So Jamie bowled him out again, first ball proper this time. From 100-0 they were now 7-down, including a run out (again courtesy of Jamie). I got two more wickets, leaving us 16 overs to get the last wicket with Sampfords nowhere in sight.

Just like the big mummy T-Rex in Jurassic Park (3) - who encourages her offspring to tear apart a victim for the first time as she looks on approvingly - so I bought Paul and JW on to finish them off, JW eventually taking a good sized bite out of the batsman, thanks to Bomber's diving catch at cover. Seeing the last two batsman struggle in vein to hold on... well. you shouldn't laugh but hey, why not?

At around the 5th wicket mark Ben, Andy's brother broke his collar bone diving on the square to stop a certain boundary. He just walked off, went to A&E, came back an hour later with his arm in a sling and a pint of Fosters (what else) in the other hand saying how much he'd enjoyed it and can he play next season please? What a top man! Another Canfield hero.

So let's re-cap: A sunny day, a thumping win, a centurion, a hat-trick, a bit of argie-bargie, a great cameo from a very welcome guest, and a broken bone or two. And thanks to Panther and Tina for providing a great tea (the egg sandwiches were, as Ali would say, spot on).

But don't let this go to your heads. I'm now on hols and will miss the next 2 games (home to Lyndsell and then home to Stebbing). I expect you to keep up the momentum. Angus will be in charge - so don't take any liberties with his kind nature! And I am relying on Paul Lucas to email me the results and a match report (thanks for the photo by the way Paul). So no Captain's blog for a couple of weeks.

Thanks everyone for a truly great game.

Men of the match: Bomber and Jamie and Ben

Champagne moment: Jamie's hat-trick ball

Tough guy moment: Ben's cracked collar bone

We are Canfield. See you in a fortnight.

Preecher