End of Term Report

For those of you with a GCSE (A*) in maths, you will know this is blog entry number 24 and, sadly, the last for this season. When edited, I think they will make a more than passable Wisden-esq historical record of the Sat XI's 2007 summer exploits as well as a heart-felt and candid diary of the skipper's inaugural season




I've enjoyed being skipper and the on-field part has got easier with experience - as I hoped it might. I've also gotten to know the players personal strengths and weaknesses. So, putting my head in the lion's mouth that is GCCC, here's my light-hearted end of term report on the Sat XI team pool. Comments welcome:





Bomber A season of improvement with the bat. Playing less, not having the aggro of being captain and Nick Down's coaching have paid handsome dividends. Scored maiden century and ensured a more than acceptable average. Fewer catches this season compared to his own very high and athletic standards. Remains a valuable top order bat and catching fielder. Well played sir! 8.5/10




Ali A very good season with the bat and so close to that elusive century on more than one occasion. By his own admission, a more mixed season bowling despite good early form. Has fallen away a little of late and uncharacteristic fielding mishaps starting to pepper his game. Is age catching up with him? Or the quality wines on a Friday? A mainstay of GCCC and the first person I check for availability. 7.5/10




Preecher There have been some encouraging signs with the bat but has not kicked on as he'd hoped. Next year will be his 3rd full season and needs to get on with it. Bowling has been steady but unspectacular; despite finishing with 35 wickets for the season these have been expensive. But a proven partnership-breaker and, as maiden skipper, the most Sat XI wins in a season since anyone can remember which makes him the Mike Brearly of the team (can't bat or bowl but gets the most out of a good team). I am so going to regret saying that. 6.5/10



Angus A brilliant season. Kept wicket superbly and this tends to be forgotten because he's so consistent. Us bowlers owe him a debt of gratitude. And more confident with the bat this season, esp when promoted up the order. He has also helped me enormously on the field. One of my picks of the season. 8/10

Jamie Undisputed player of the season. Destructive mid-order batting, a maiden century, great bowling figures, and our best fielder to boot. That he now plays for us on a Saturday and that we have won so many games is not coincidental. Thanks for making my job a whole lot easier. 10/10

Andy Davies As you were - a great number 3 and spectacular in the field. Our team is weaker when he doesn't play. A centurion and high scorer all summer...just like last season... and the season before that. Mr reliable and a great player to skipper. 9/10




Steve Oakey Our most improved player? Bowling has come on leaps and bounds (the ball no longer sails over Angus's head) and has real pace now. Can also bat and not afraid to go up the order. A strong fielder and a very good competitor. I just wish he'd do as he was told - but that wouldn't make him who he is. Top Man. 9/10




Bretty Had a shocker with the bat despite some promising starts but did get a 70 a fortnight ago. The smoking ban seems to have affected his concentration. Grumbles about next season being his last, etc. but (as he would say) bollocks to that. And if you do stop playing will you still cut the grass please? 6/10




Paul Lucas Hmmm...tricky this. Ever-willing 2nd change bowler has worked hard and been genuinely unlucky. Figures are a tad pricey but he does do a very good tea. But marked down for constantly going on and on about the duck cup being announced for last year rather than just this year (because he knows I won it). So 5/10 rising to 5.5/10 if he promised never to mention the duck cup again.




JW A tough season - picked up wickets early on but has taken some real spankings as well (was voted Lindsel's most valuable player - ha-ha). Bowling a little too short I think. And his batting (which showed promise last year - yeah - like I'd know) has been strangely absent this year. But an excellent team man and a joy to skipper. 5.5/10




Robert Halls The youngster has done excellent (as a footie manager might say) with a handful of wickets and some very, very good fielding. Probably swings the ball more than most. Confidence with the bat will come. Rob scores 8/10 in my adult-level rating so well done young man.




Ed Priest Our unluckiest player; has bowled very well over the season with little reward and a not a small amount of bad luck. But some great catches and probably the straightest bat in the club. Technically very good he will be in the runs next year. Foot injury has hampered progress and this will be sorted in the close season. 7.5/10




Patrick Hampered by playing very little for the Sat XI and yet to really trouble the scorers. Still keen as mustard and worth his place in the team for his wit and unbridled knowledge of the game. 5/10




Charlie Potter Good all-round potential with ball and bat. Has learnt that more control and less pace = more wickets. Has the required skills with the bat but yet to get a proper start. Again, his time will come. I feel he has learned a lot playing with us this year. 7/10




Stuart A very late developing batting-season for The Chair and may even be troubling the duck cuppers. But got a 50 a few weeks ago. Bowling has been very good though and as young and sprightly as ever. A dead-eyed fielder and very fast over 10 yards. 6.5/10

Greg Conboy Under-played this season but gradually re-inducting himself back into the Canfield fold. Potential with the bat as ever but still ring-rusty. Must play more games. See me after class. 5/10

Sam Rayner Another who could have played more games but Angus's youngest is coming on. Spins the ball very well and his fielding concentration has improved this year. And known to smack the odd boundary as well. One to watch. 7/10

Mike Emery Started playing for the Sat XI early on but has now reverted to his preferred Sunday position. Against his own very high standards has been less effective with the bat than last season but always dangerous. Remains the club's best bat. 7/10

Andy Goodwin Panther has been unlucky not to play more due to moving home and a sever hand injury. Lightening quick in the field and a good part-time slow bowler. Batting technique has come on leaps and bounds. Did a very passable tea. 6.5/10

Clint Played only a handful of games but was centre stage when we beat Sampfords at their gaff. Bats as if he's never been away. Bowls as if he's been on a 12-month cruise! But takes wickets. I wish he could play more. 6.5/10

Paul Halls Available when not helping Bishop Stortford Football Club Paul is most dangerous as a canny slow right-armer. Has a lot of experience and knows how to win a game. Batting perhaps not what it was 10 years ago but so what? Captained the side that won the Halls Trophy. 7.5/10

Brucie. Seriously under-played this season due to a) work, b) a dog biting his hand and c) him probably still having the arse with me for under-bowling him against Flitch Pilgrims. Come back Brucie all is forgiven! 6/5/10

Sorry if I've missed out one or two but for the core of the Sat XI that played more than a couple of games, that's my report card.

Captain's blog will return mid-April 2008 in time for the new season.

Many thanks to you all for your effort, support, tolerance and good humour.

I know what I'm doing.... sort off.

See you at the diner dance - This is Captain's Blog signing off.

Preecher

Jamie's Revenge

Evening all,



Easton's paid us a visit on Saturday for arguably the most eagerly awaited return fixture of the season (see blog entry of 11th July for the full back-story). It was meant to be a 1pm start but there must have been a Bretty-esy miscommunication as they eventually tipped up closer to 2pm - with a noticeably stronger side than when we played them in July which might be taken as a sign of them being 'up for it'. I lost the toss and Chris (is it safe?) their dentist-captain inserted us on a pretty good track, which suited me fine.



We scored well from the first 5-6 overs with their pacy bowlers having very little control. High-speed canteen bowling you could call it. But they started to pin us back and with Steve and The Chair getting zip and Bomber and Andy out relatively cheaply we were struggling on 80-odd off 20 overs.



Enter J Halls. Now, Eastons should have known what was coming as Jamie had hit on super six over the pavilion at their ground, but even we were surprised at what followed. 125 not out, sir!Off about 80 balls. Including 3 consecutive sixes off Chris (is it safe? - err not if you bowl like that mate). Very well done to J for his maiden century and for hitting Chris for 24 off one over. By this time Ali had played a more than useful supporting role, scoring a half century, and I was now at the crease trying not to laugh as Jamie smacked the ball miles over the trees.



"How many balls you got left?" I asked Chris

"two more" he replied

"I wish it were more" said I



After thanking Chris for his over (and receiving a one fingered salute for my trouble) the fielding team then continued the good natured ribbing of their vice-Captain. 258 for 9. Oh, and did I mention Jamie was dropped 3 times, the first one a simple c&b chance when he was on zero. Surely it couldn't get any better?



Oh yes it could. We had a quick tea and I got (most) of the team in a huddle before their batters came out, reminding them how we felt when denied a win at their place, making sure we kept encouraging our bowlers and to keep lively. After 9 overs they were 22 for 7! How much fun is this? The Chair took 4 for 9 off 5 overs and Steve 3 for practically nothing off 4 overs. Ed had gone off injured in the first over with a strained foot, but other than that it was going better than we could have dreamed. It was one of those days when the bowlers put it in the spot and the batters did the rest. My highlight was Jamie's one handed catch at slip (his weaker left hand, naturally) - he was having that kind of day. And Chris (him again) got a duck - his first of the season....



To make it a contest I changed the bowling and the final 3 wickets went down (me, JW and Paul got a wicket apiece) and they managed 77 in total. It would have been under 50 if Jamie had bowled, but hey, village cricket and all that.



So, a 200 run victory when we were only 80 for 4 off 20 overs. Question: is this adequate revenge for being denied victory at their place due to an outrageous umpire decision? Yessir. And its victory number 7 for the Sat XI - not that I like to keep count or anything. I know what I'm doing.



Man of the Match: Take a guess

Champagne Moment: Jamie's maiden century (and any of the 6 sixes he smacked over the trees)

Mug of the match: the entire Eastons fielding team - 7 dropped catches in total. Thanks fellas



And Jamie did the tea as well - many thanks for that - it was his day all round.



Well done to Ed for hobbling back on the field and taking a good catch at mid-wicket to dismiss the miserable git who bowled full pelt at him when he was batting. Another revenge story. Nice one kiddo.



Next week IT IS A 1PM START AT THE GROUND! Opposition tbc - I'll call Bretty this week and make sure he tells the visiting team. The team for next Sat is:



Ali

Bretty (assuming his flu has gone away)

Charlie

Jamie

Patrick

Panther

Ed

Preecher

JW

Angus

A N other



See you next Sat. Till then, bask in the glory.



Preecherman

Help! Help! Here Come the Bairds!

In the wonderland zoo...

There's not much to do...

Hello everyone,

September already - where has the season gone? It seems like only yesterday we were taking part in practise nets ahead of the Dunmow game. But the early conker shells on the ground and a 1.30pm start are tell-tale signs. Only a hand full of games to go in a (vein) attempt to raise my batting average and get 30+ wickets. Not that I keep count or anything.

To lift the autumnal gloom we welcome Bairds to The Park. What a great bunch they are - Alan: their 67 year old vice captain, Sonu: their friendly all-rounder, Dave: their wicket keeper, et al. It's a pity they have "gone league" and that this is their only end-of-season visit to Canfield (we normally play them twice). As good a bunch as you'll meet and always extremely sporting and encouraging to our youngsters, I recall their opening bat retired after his century last year (Lindsell's Angus please take note). My second favourite team behind the Tawney Boys. Should be good.

I called heads and "inserted" - it looked a particularly good track (thanks Jamie) but conditions would favour swing bowling (thanks Jamie). So not a suprise to see Alan bowled middle stump first ball (thanks Jamie). Without any of their bats really smacking it about and building an innings, Bairds still got a reasonable 219 all out. Why? Perhaps it was the 55 extras we gave them. Mr Bye-Wide was their top scorer. Modesty forbides but after last week's dire performance the spinning skipper took 3 wickets, including the dangerous Sonu for a duck. Well bowled Jamie and The Chair and good to see Paul and JW grab a wicket - just reward for some bad luck of late. Also well done Hepburn Minor (aka Matthew) for his two overs and overcoming the handicap of being stung by a wasp mid-delivery.

We won with 5 overs to spare with only 4 wickets down. Can you believe they bowled nearly as many byes as us? Sonu was having a shocker, apparently it was reverse swinging too much!The Chair capped a good all round display with an unbeaten half century to go with Ali's 40-odd and a great cameo from Jamie at the end.

So, victory number 6 and 32 wickets for the season for the skip'. Happy days.

Man of the Match: The Chair

Champagne Moment: Jamie's first ball wicket

Mug of the match: Mr Bye-Wide

Special thanks to Paul and Lynda for stepping in at the last minute to provide tea.

Next week we are at home to Eastons (big game this). Remember how close we came at their place? Remember THAT umpiring decision? We owe them big time. Next Sat is a 1pm start.

And finally, as the season draws to its inevitable end, the Captain's thoughts drift inescapably to nominations for player and most improved player of the year. Whilst this a club as opposed to a team award and at the discretion of the committee, as Captain I am certainly free to air my personal ideas and to canvas opinion. I decided on my personal pick for player of the year some time ago and will lobby hard for said individual. Most improved player is harder. Do you go for someone who was plain awful and is now just incompetent or someone who was average and is now good? And what about the juniors? My mind is yet to be made up on this one. Feel free to share your ideas,

There will, however, be some "unofficial" awards announced on Monday 24th September after our penultimate game of the season - for the Sat XI. Categories are tbc but are likely to include:

1. Best Tea Provider (Paul/Lynda Lucas ahead on points)

2. Best game-induced accident or injury (could be the JW/Bomber collision, Ben Davies's broken collar bone, Ali's pulled muscle, Steve's pulled calf, Preecherman's bruised ego, etc)

3. Performance of the season (a category I will not be troubling)

4. Season's champagne moment (Andy's catch against Flitch Pilgrims will take some beating)

And so on. All ideas welcome.

Thanks to Angus, Bretty, the Chair et al for the ongoing "their spinners are turning it miles, Skip" banter. I shall rise above such ribbing and re-direct you all to the end of year bowling stats. I thank you.

See you next Saturday.



Preecherman

Skipper in a Spin

Ola,

I pen this weeks blog having missed the past two matches whilst holidaying in sunny Cadiz (SW Spain) - the melanoma capital of the Med'. I'm not a big fan of summer holidays and tend to take work and the now obligatory Blackberry with me. And something always happens whilst away from the shop - every year and without fail. This time, Charlotte, my MD phoned to say our Financial Director had resigned. If this isn't aggro enough I then hear that the team selection shenanigans this past fortnight have been down to me - whilst out of the country. Blame the absent captain why don't you.

Can't say I was too sad to have missed the Lindsell game, but well bowled chaps! Ha-ha. You clearly missed your leg spinner - or so I thought. All I have heard since my return is how much turn the part-time spinners got in the following game against Hainault (where you had 12 players - well done Angus). Bomber, Harry and Bretty all turning it miles apparently. Hmm. There's only one King of Spain -time to reclaim my crown.

So against Bishop Stortford U10s on Saturday (okay u15s+colts+others) I deliberately let every other bowler go first. Then, in the last few overs with out attack clearly struggling, I'll put myself on and bowl 3-4 overs, snare as many wickets and nonchalantly glide off the park exchanging knowing glances to our part-timers. It never worked out like that.

Stortford won the toss and elected to bat on a drying pitch, which was fine by me. Their young and very pleasant team notched up 191. Well done Charley Potter for (finally) grasping the principles of control and off a shorter run-up got 3 well earned wickets and a catch off Ali. Well played. Jamie got 2 wickets and Steve bowled a very accurate and clever spell and was rewarded by a wicket courtesy of Johhny Slowman's catch at cover. And Robert Halls got another wicket! But there were still a few wickets remaining, so hail the return of the King of Spain. I bowled like a prat and from the wrong end at a time when they were hitting out. Serves me right. I was particularly impressed by my first ball that (honestly) stuck to my hand as I delivered it only to see it bounce 2 feet down the pitch... I never recovered. That's the real reason I hate holidays. Lack of practise you see...

Canfield won at a canter by 5 wickets with 6 overs in hand, thanks to Andy D's brilliant 102 no. And I just know what the rest of the team were thinking when I was batting with Andy. Fellas -it was always in hand. I could do the math (GCSE A*). Well done Andy\-\the skipper helped him home.

So let the record show a winning return for the Captain and a 5th victory of the season, with us all resplendent in our new shirts and club caps.

Man of the match: Andy Davies

Mug of the match: The Skipper

Thanks to Potter junior (and Mary for lending the lad a hand) for doing tea.

Now some house notices. Congratulations to Jonnny Slowman and Pat Hepburn on their A levels and for getting into their 1st choice uni's. We wish them well as they fly the nest. Well done to Mitch Cooper for his AS level results and also to Verity Priest for passing her GCSEs. I owe her a lot of money.

Next week we entertain Bairds at home, 1.30pm start please.

Right, back to my my holiday iPod selections. Any Johnny Cash fans?

six foot six

he stood on the ground

he weighed two hundred and thirty five pounds

but I saw that giant of a bat brought down

to his knees by ... spin

he was the kind of bat that would gamble on luck

look you in the eye and never back up

but I saw him crying like a little whipped pup

by the power of ...spin

you cant pick it with your eyes

back of the hand

take your world

and turn it all around

every since time nothings ever been found

that stronger than...spin

(Thing Called Love, J. Cash, J. Cash Records - with usual apologies)

Leave spinning to the experts.

See you next week.

Preecher.

Heroes - Just for One Day

First things first. On behalf of everyone at the club, congratulations to Andy and Claudie Davies on their marriage last Thursday and for throwing a jolly excellent bash in nearby Margaret Roding, which a few lucky Canfield regulars were able to attend. Andy was beaming and Claudie looked radiant - good luck to you both. How he was able to negotiate playing 48 hours after his wedding is anyone's guess, but well played sir. Start as you mean to go on and all that.

After the reception I settled down to watch Heroes on Sky+. It's BBC2's smash hit of the summer; a drama about a dozen or so regular joe's who, after a solar eclipse, find they have supa-dupa powers. Like being able to stop time, flying, being indestructible, that sort of thing. Not like the Spideman movies you understand, more like Dr Who meets 24.

Something similar happened on Saturday. With the sun shining (no eclipse exactly) the 11 Canfield Saturday players started to play like super cricketing heroes and ended up winning the perfect game. What are the ingredients for a perfect game? I have ten ingredients - can you add to the following list...?

1. Lovely cricketing weather (warm sunshine) - tick

2. Winning the toss - tick

3. Batting first on a good track and scoring our highest total of the season - tick

4. A maiden century for our opening bat - tick

5. Putting on 150 for the first wicket - tick

6. Our main strike bowler getting a hat-trick - tick

7. Three out-of-this-world catches - tick

8. A great cameo from our guest player who gets injured in the process - tick

9. A bit of controversy at the wicket - tick

10. A thumping win over a rival team - tickety boo

We could dedicate a whole blog to any one of these themes - it was that kind of game. A perfect game. And against our (friendly) rivals, Sampfords, who we beat at their place only a month ago? Very good, very good indeed.

Sampfords tipped up with a noticeably different side from last month. Steve their skipper said it had been a struggle for them to field a full strength side, but don't believe it. They looked up for it to me. Okay, so Alex their South African bowler was absent but their batters looked as keen as ever. Thing is, they (claimed) only to have 4 bowlers, so could we have unlimited bowling please Jon? Sure they could. In that heat? Speaking from personal experience bowlers are never the best judges of when to "take a breather" ("taking a breather" is what Captains say, but which usually means "get off now before I beat you to death with a cricket stump") and, after 8 overs or so, the Sampford's attack were going to get very ragged. And that's exactly what happened as our openers picked them off. Be careful what you wish for.

When the pound coin came down heads I just smiled at Steve who bowed his head. He knew it was going to be a struggle on that track, with a lightening outfield (thanks Bretty) and 30- degree heat. Thing is, we started at a snails pace, scoring 37 off 11 overs. Then Bomber and Ali got their game faces on just...... as their bowlers started to tire. But did they change the bowlers? No sir...

Bomber scored 119 to earn his first ever century of any kind. Well done mate - you looked as fresh at the end of the innings as when you started. Well almost. Ali got 70-odd, another good score. Andy Davies, obviously suffering from the shock of marriage, got a duck, and was followed to the crease by his brother Ben, who hadn't played for 10 years. Ben of course, could play, as his quick fire 50 showed. 278 for 4 off 40 overs. Chase that Sampfords.

And to be fair they gave it a damn good go, and were ahead of the required rate after 10 overs before I asked Charley and Paul Lucas to "take a breather". We needed to get their openers out and, not for the first time this season, I sacrificed my own personal economy rate in order to get a break-through wicket, which resulted in two fabulous catches, one low down from Ben at deep square leg, the other a juggled piece of heroe-ship from Panther at deep mid-wicket. Jamie was the next hero; wicket one was an edge. Gregg, the Sampford's deputy capt. didn't walk. The umpire half-raised his finger. "I'm not walking" insisted Gregg - perhaps a throwback to a borderline decision in Bomber's favour earlier in our innings. "I thought you hit it" said the umpire. "So is he out" we enquired?, "err, yes he is" said their umpire. Gregg tramped off. This was followed next over by Jamie's hat-trick. Bloody marvelous mate, esp as Ryan Webster (the Sampfords' 'keeper who had a SHOCKER behind the stumps) was out first ball, but to a no ball. So Jamie bowled him out again, first ball proper this time. From 100-0 they were now 7-down, including a run out (again courtesy of Jamie). I got two more wickets, leaving us 16 overs to get the last wicket with Sampfords nowhere in sight.

Just like the big mummy T-Rex in Jurassic Park (3) - who encourages her offspring to tear apart a victim for the first time as she looks on approvingly - so I bought Paul and JW on to finish them off, JW eventually taking a good sized bite out of the batsman, thanks to Bomber's diving catch at cover. Seeing the last two batsman struggle in vein to hold on... well. you shouldn't laugh but hey, why not?

At around the 5th wicket mark Ben, Andy's brother broke his collar bone diving on the square to stop a certain boundary. He just walked off, went to A&E, came back an hour later with his arm in a sling and a pint of Fosters (what else) in the other hand saying how much he'd enjoyed it and can he play next season please? What a top man! Another Canfield hero.

So let's re-cap: A sunny day, a thumping win, a centurion, a hat-trick, a bit of argie-bargie, a great cameo from a very welcome guest, and a broken bone or two. And thanks to Panther and Tina for providing a great tea (the egg sandwiches were, as Ali would say, spot on).

But don't let this go to your heads. I'm now on hols and will miss the next 2 games (home to Lyndsell and then home to Stebbing). I expect you to keep up the momentum. Angus will be in charge - so don't take any liberties with his kind nature! And I am relying on Paul Lucas to email me the results and a match report (thanks for the photo by the way Paul). So no Captain's blog for a couple of weeks.

Thanks everyone for a truly great game.

Men of the match: Bomber and Jamie and Ben

Champagne moment: Jamie's hat-trick ball

Tough guy moment: Ben's cracked collar bone

We are Canfield. See you in a fortnight.

Preecher

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Last week was a bad week. They say things come in three's. Well that's as maybe - but not three near identical things, each one following the other surely? I have been a victim of crime x 3; a robbery, attempted burglary and a smash and grab.

On Friday, some hooded crack-head type nipped into MY office and whipped the laptop off MY desk whilst I was at lunch, the cheeky b*stard. And it had my batting and bowling averages on it - so nothing valuable then. On Friday night I noticed the ground floor room I use as my home office had one of the window locks missing, jemmied from the outside. They must have been scared off by something and no, not by my bowling averages thank you. One cricket-stats gag per blog is quite enough. Then on Saturday I was the victim of an outrageous smash and grab as S.T.A.R.T (Stapleford Tawney And Red Triangle) ruined our unbeaten home record with 3 balls of their innings left and us only requiring another wicket to ensure victory.

Oh and I almost forgot - someone nicked the badge off the bonnet of my Aston Martin as well.

But the real crime was on the pitch. We lost because we (I) under-estimated the opposition. The incomparable (and very vocal) Will Beagles and Andy Law taught us a lesson. They only had 6 players when they took their fiddling positions, so Bomber and Steve kindly volunteered to help out whilst the rest of their team inched up the M11 thanks to some Scout jamboree or suchlike. Will won the toss and put us in just so his team might have a bat - they were that weak (he said). I fell for the trap and altered the batting line up putting Angus and Paul well up the order and Steve (who was on tea duty) at number 11. No-one really got going and we made 183 and (cardinal sin this) failed to bat out our over allocation. Well done to Gus for his Canfield all-time high score of 30 and also to Jamie for top scoring but our better batters didn't and we were 30-40 runs shy. And well done to Ali for hitting the ball right at square leg when they only had one fielder on the on-side. Such precision.

Of course by now the rest of their team had tipped up (making 10 in total). We had a go after tea and Jamie's 4-21 off 10 overs was again the pick of the bowlers. Put they kept up with or just below the rate and moved up a gear when Jamie came off. I got two hard-earned wickets but the one we wanted, Dell their number 4 bat, played himself in and only gave one chance that Ali was unfortunate to put down at long on. With one over left they needed 2 runs to win and Will (fittingly) knocked them off with 3 balls left. Well done sir.

A great game played in a fun but competitive spirit, it was a shame to lose but well done to S.T.A.R.T for W.I.N.N.I.N.G. What a nice bunch they all are.

So, team-mates, what have we all learned from this?

1. Don't underestimate the opposition
2. Don't expect the tail to make up runs the top order should have knocked off
3. Don't bowl short on our wicket
4. Unless your Jamie, taking the pace off the ball will do wonders


Between you, me and this blog I was a bit hacked off by the end. My mood would have been lifted if Steve would have moved around the field when requested.And the next ex-Captain to tell me where to field will have his own dedicated blog entry. I consider this suitable punishment for such misdemeanors. Enough said.

On Saturday we are at home to Sampfords who will be out for revenge. I have but one thing to say:

GET 'EM IN THE HOLE!

I love you all really.

Preecher

You Are The Umpire

Recently, Ruth and I have been taking The Observer in place of our usual Times/Mail on Sunday combo. I can recommend The Observer's Review section most highly. But I turn first to the Extra Time bit of the sports supplement in order to test Ed on "You Are The Umpire", a cricket cartoon scripted by John Holder and Paul Trevillion, where three most unusual cricketing conundrums are posed to readers every week, who then ask what your decision as umpire would be if, say, a streaker ran on and knocked off the bails with his knackers, etc.

Here's a very recent example:

"During a recent village match between two rival teams the visiting team are well placed for victory requiring only the last wicket. With the penultimate ball of the game the ball strikes the batsman's pad in line with middle and off, with the batsman still planted in his crease. As the umpire is also playing for the home side do you...?

a) Look away semi-embarrassed

b) Give the correct 'out' decision and incur the wrath of Chris, your larger than life Captain and your team mates

Welcome to Eastons v Canfield Sat XI. Good grief. A tough game against fancied opposition this match has all the ingredients of a classic: Local rivalry - personified by Chris their skipper/opening bowler/batter/dentist, Toby their quick (but unpredictable) opening paceman who used to play for Canfield last year and who dumped us and my daughter last summer (not that this will count against him. Much), plus two of our regulars Steve and Bomber live in the village so there are local bragging rights at stake. And then there's 'that pitch'. Rumour has it vandals got into the ground before the start of the season and dug up the square causing £250 worth of improvements...

They're a friendly enough bunch and Chris is quite the gent away from cricket. But he does suffer from temporary insanity on it. Who can forget him throwing his bat across the square when he was bowled out last year attempting to come down the pitch to yours truly? Or providing an acid running commentary when playing? Or yelling at his own team mates? Or sitting on a chair in our pavilion and breaking it? I wonder what kind of mood we shall find him in today?

Subdued is the mood of the day. They only have 9 players and need to borrow a fielder (the number of Canfield volunteers being zero) and Canfield are nursing god almighty hangovers due to Friday's end of cricket week beerfest. So we're kind of even. We have a range of hangover cures: Angus went clay pigeon shooting this morning to clear his headache (?), Steve our consultant surgeon says he injects himself with a litre of saline solution which does the trick, Bretty prefers a can of warm Carlsberg in the dressing room and Ali opts for a 5am skinny dip in my pool. Me? Red Bull and 4 Nurofen.

We lose the toss and Chris sticks us in for a timed game. I still don't really understand this, but it's about the same as 40 overs (so long as both teams bowl at a faster over rate than the West Indies) and a draw is a possibility.

Ali gets a good half century and with Bomber, Andy, Jamie et all all contributing we post 18o which on that pitch and slow outfield is a very good knock and Eastons know it. Remember they knocked us over for 80-odd last year. Now we are in the box seat.

Ed opened the bowling and his 0-7 off 4 overs kept them pegged back. With Jamie bowling up the hill it was my Sampfords MkII plan. After 12 overs they were well behind the rate but we needed wickets. I came on as the sacrificial lamb and got Chris out courtesy of Bomber's catch at extra cover (disappointingly their were no tantrums this time).

The Ali came on and took 6-17 bowling wonderful seam up deliveries down the hill. A great effort mate - this is ample payment for the brandy glasses that got smashed at our place in the early hours. I particularly enjoyed Toby getting a golden (ah - sweet revenge) and texted Verity as soon as the match ended.

With two overs to go we couldn't quite manage the last wicket. Well, we could, it's just the umpire never game it. So, a winning draw but it could have been all the more sweeter. But a lot better than last year.

Man of the Match: Ali for his 6-17 and half century. A great effort in his hungover state

Champagne Moment: Jamie smacking a 6 off Chris right over the pavilion. Lovely

I think we are on a roll. We have not looked like losing for a while and with a bit more luck would now have 5 wins, not 3. I put our form down to better bowling all round this season (myself excluded) and tighter fielding. And when we bat out the overs we always have a chance. From a Captains perspective everyone again contributed, got a game and enjoyed competing. I'm more relaxed on the field of play than when I started and are beginning to understand the individual nuances and strengths/weaknesses of team members. So its all good.

On a related note I thought you'd all like to know that Ed got a hat-trick playing for Dunmow against Nazeing Common on Sunday and also well done to young Robert Halls for getting his first wicket playing for Canfield on Sunday. Well done to you both.

Next week we have a home game against a conference side TBC. Bretty will let me know on Tuesday when we have our committee meeting. I will see you all at the ground at 2pm for a 2.3o pm start.

Increase the peace.

Preecher

Sampford Lose Thriller

A dreaded sunny day
So lets go we're we happy
And I'll meet you at Sampfords estate
Oh Alec the bowler is on your side

A dreaded sunny day
So lets go where we're wanted
And I'll meet you at the Sampford estate
Oh Alec the bowler is on your side
But you lose
Coz Jamie Halls is on mine

(Cemetery Gates, Morrisey & Marr - with apologies)

Sampfords Away. It's one of those matches you instinctively look for when the fixture booklet gets circulated around the club. Along with Eastons, and to a lesser extent, Lyndesll, Sampfords are one of Canfield's Sat XI 'rival teams'. Having never actually played them I don't really know the derivation for this supposed friendly rivalry. In truth, its probably because they're better than us, as their regular thrashings of Canfield illustrate (they bowled us out for 60-odd last year). But I see as I find and I approach the game with an open mind, and just to be sure, the strongest team I could muster. It would be nice to give 'em a game. I have phoned selected players ahead of this fixture telling them to 'be up for it'.


In the winter months I help out with the Thaxted Rangers U14 youth football team. Indeed my company, SPA (http://www.spa-mr.com/) has sponsored the players since they were U10s. Young Ryan Webster is their goalie. He also keeps wicket for Sampfords. I will be expecting some banter when I go into bat...


Our XI was as follows:



Bretty (in the pub before the game)

Andy D (late - as usual)

Jamie

Clint (late due to 'problems with bees....' don't ask)

Steve

Paul Halls

PoB

Preecher

Ed

Angus


Ali


Even without Bomber (who was rested) and Mike it's a fairly strong line up. Jamie is in top form at the moment, esp with the ball and his uncle Paul bowled very well last Sunday on his return from injury. And we have the batters to get some numbers on the board. And with no game last Saturday we are all rested and raring to go.


I won the toss and elected to bat. The pitch was dead. And the outfield hadn't been cut in 5 days (much to Bretty's irritation). It's a win/lose game with no limit on the bowlers. I agreed. Alec, Sampfords opening bowler then proceeded to bowl 13 overs straight on a perfect line and length, nipping the ball back down the slop. No wonder they didn't want any bowler limitations! We made 152 in 40 overs which was a good score given the conditions and well done to Clint for his 47. And yes, young Ryan their 'keeper stumped me as I faced their leg spinner. Time for tea.

I put Jamie and Paul Halls on for a reason. Anything Sampfords can do we can do better. Jamie, off a 3 pace run-up, could bowl all day. His 13 overs for 19 runs with one wicket was utterly fantastic bowling. Their openers couldn't get him away and they soon fell way behind the required rate. At the other end, Paul was tempting them and they soon hit out and Paul got two early wickets. I came on at Paul's end, then swapped ends to give Jamie a rest and snared their other opener. With Ali now bowling at the other end the wickets kept falling. Steve came on and pegged their big hitting Captain back. Then another (some might say inspired) bowling change saw Clint take over from Steve and get 2 wickets in his first over, both catches to Ali at square leg. Jamie came back on to take the last wicket. Canfield had won by 14 runs with 3 overs remaining. Joy.

This was Canfield's best team performance of the season. We fielded very well (two run outs thanks to Jamie and Ali) and looked sharp all day. The bowlers all played their part and we kept up the pressure and held our nerve towards the end. But we did this all with a smile on our faces. I couldn't have been more proud.

Sampfords were good losers and we were gracious winners. They laid on a great tea and were a warm and welcoming side and I look forward to hosting them in August. Rivals? I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Man of the match: Jamie for outstanding bowling
Champagne moment: Ali's catch to get their Captain out off Clint's 3rd ball

Personally, this was my best match as captain. The bowling changes worked and I had no hesitation in pulling myself off as soon as I got expensive. Its a team game and we all showed that in abundance. You laso have to prepared to try things and take risks. I'm learning that.

Next Saturday we are away to our great rivals, Eastons, who have recently beat Lyndsel and Sampfords. And their pitch is a SHOCKER. But do you know what, I couldn't be more confident.

Lets do it. Chris, the Eastons Captain, be afraid. Be very afraid.

I love you all dearly.

Preecherman

Tribute Blog: President's XI v Chairman's XI Commemorative Match

It's 10.30am on Sunday, 1st July. I'm standing in the middle of the Canfield square with Bretty and Stuart Hepburn, looking at the pitch, then the sky towards the west, then back to the pitch. After Saturday (and most of June come to that) the pitch is wet. The forecast for late afternoon is favourable however and, after after all, today is a special day; the official opening of the Halls Pavilion. Hell and high water won't stop it (well, the high water is a possibility if we get more rain). But we have do do something and we have to make a decision. GAME ON!

It's 12.30pm and half of the Chairman's XI are in the bar. Bretty is defying the smoking ban defending himself with the time-honoured and insightful "bollocks" counter-argument. He'd make quite an advocate ("Your honour, I put it to you that the outrageous charges against my client are bollocks. The defence rests".) I sense safety in numbers and join him. Barry Claydon's President's XI turn up to warm welcomes and hand-shakes. It has been decided to get as much beer down Barry's neck as possible to present the Chairman's XI with a fighting chance. It starts to rain.... then stops. Phew.

It's 1.15pm and we take the field. Our Chairman has stuck them in. A good decision - it's a sticky wicket that will start to dry out as the game progresses. They make 160 -9 which is not too far off par given the pitch and wet outfield. Befitting the opening of the Halls Pavilion, Jamie and Paul Halls take 4 wickets apiece with a mix of quick seam bowling and dazzling spin. Its going to be a Halls day all round with Mary watching from the pavilion and the late Brian Halls watching from above. Stuart gets the final wicket - well done Mr Chairman. We have all fielded very well.

It's 3.45pm and tea is in full flow. It's a splendid affair of scones, cakes, baps and biscuits. Mind you, there is something terribly 'maternal' about women taking their turn in the pavilion kitchen. When its their tea turn day its very much their domain. Other women, Alison Hepburn a notable inclusion, beware!

It's 4.15pm and Bretty is facing the first ball of our innings. It's a long-ish hop dispatched in the air to deep extra over. Ed my 13 year old son is fielding at deep extra cover. It's coming sharp-ish. The balls sticks in his hands like Velcro. For 5 seconds no-one says or does anything. Then pandemonium as the fielding side rush to high-5 him, realising that their lovable nemesis has got a golden duck, caught by A Small Boy. Ed has been told by Angus and Bretty to smile more when on the field of play. Well he can't smile wide enough now. Bretty comes back and does the only man-ly thing possible - start the bar-b-que. Ed spends the rest of the match beaming. I am a proud dad.

The Chair's XI battle it out keeping up with the run rate, largely due to Jonny Slowman's long awaited return to the Canfield fold. But we lose wickets and Trev has to go off with a chest pain (I spoke to him this morning and all seems well - just thought you'd like to know). I give Jamie out LBW 2nd ball. It's plum mate, but did he get the merest of bats on it first? His expression clearly thinks so. He tells me in afterwards not to worry and that he won't hate me for it. I am relieved. Then our Chairman is given out by Canfield old boy Simon Noakes attempting a single when MILES IN. Dearie me. My turn to go in. Now, to quote Marlon Brando from the Godfather Part 2 "I have a sentimental weakness for my children and I spoil them; they speak when they should listen". With this in mind Ed is immediately bought back into the attack having told Barry and Bondy that he's on double pocket money if he gets me out. I owe Ed 5 weeks worth so there's serious money at stake. I receive what Nas Hussain might call "a lot of chirping"

"Come on Ed, get your bunny out"

"Let's have him"

"You dad doesn't bat as straight as you"

And so on.

He bowls spin. He NEVER bowls spin! I edge it to 1st slip who holds it; then fumbles it; then holds it in one hand; then (finally) drops it. Ed is beside himself.

The Chairman's XI fall a little shy of the required runs - even with 12 players - but it matters not. It's been a great match and the sun has been out for hours, just as our Chairman predicted.

It's 6.30pm and the opening ceremony is taking place. Alan Lillee, a playing compatriot of G. Gooch at Essex has come along to be master of ceremonies. He's full of praise for Canfield, our ground, the pitch, and new pavilion. I'm feeling especially proud to be involved with Canfield CC right now. Pommy says a few words of thanks and presents Roger Simons with a commissioned painting of the new Halls Pavilion as a gesture of the club's very great thanks and also two commemorative plaques which will be mounted inside, to go with the Essex CCC plaque Alan Lillee has presented to Pommy. The ribbon is cut (twice) and we're officially open.

It's 7.10pm and everyone who has turned up - players old and new, family, friends, people from the village and guests are enjoying the free bar-b-que (thanks again to Roger for the free grub) and beers. Everywhere kids are mucking about with rugby balls, playing in the nets, chasing dogs and having a high old time. Small groups are chatting about what a great day it has been and how Brian Halls would have approved. It's a glorious evening.

It's 7pm on Friday 18th May 2005. Jonathan Clarke has just asked me if I fancy playing for Great Canfield. "Oh, I don't think so"I say. "Not really my thing". Just goes to show how wrong you can be.

Fear not, Captain's blog will return next week with it's usual blend of sarcasm, cynical observation, winding-up of the opposition and self-criticism.

But not today.

Preecherman

Wet Wet Wet

Realistically there was no way we were going to see any cricket on Saturday despite hopeful and regular glances to the west in a vein attempt to wish away the low, leaden cloud; it just got greyer. Then the rain started at 10.00am, slowly at first and then more consistent. I checked with Bretty and Jamie and suggested we give it 'till midday. By 11.15 I called PoB to tell him it was off and to put back the cricket tea perishables in his Waitrose trolley. Disappointing.

I thought about the need for some kind of perspective. Reasons to be cheerful: 1,2,3....

1. We have at least already played Dunmow at home. This fixture is in many ways a re-run mid season of our first game. And that was a great day with the sun shining (in April!) and we don't want anything detracting from that - like losing in the rain. We also played Dunmow in the 20:20 last Friday so we have seen plenty of our cricketing neighbours recently, thank you.

2. We could all be under 3 foot of water like those poor souls on the news. Perhaps west Essex is getting off comparatively lightly.

3. There's always tomorrow. On Sunday we have scheduled a Chairmans v Presidents match to honour the formal opening of the new pavilion. Better the Saturday game is cancelled than this one-off special between Stuart Hepburn's team and Pommy's select 11. I write this blog entry at 7.30am on Sunday and the skies are definitely brighter and blue-er with no rain. It is damp, but, perhaps if no more rain falls, we can play some cricket this afternoon.

Next Saturday we are away to Sampfords. It's down as a 2.30pm start but try and get there before 2pm. If, like me, you dont know how to get there I'll send over some directions. Ali - if your reading this on holiday, you're in. Same for Bomber, Clint and Mike. Sampfords, eh? Curiously I've never played them - always been working or on hols. But am I correct in recalling that we got thumped last season at their place? Not this time. I fancy us for our first away win in years, and a comfortable win at that.

Okay boys, you've had a rest this weekend so your mind and body should be fresh for this big game next Saturday. And missing a game will make us all that little bit more hungry. Sampfords had better watch out.

See you all next week, weather permitting.

Preecherman.

A Bridge Too Far

Accidents will happen whenever Abridge pay us a visit. Last year one of their number was hit smack on the nut by his own fielder returning the ball to the bowlers end. Cue ice, recovery position and his Dad whisking him away to Harlow General A&E where a 3 1/2 hour wait followed. A broken cheek bone was the diagnosis.

Edward bowled a slower delivery on Saturday. The batsman hoiked it towards the mid wicket boundary where JW and Bomber were lurking. At this stage is 70:30 JW's ball. Bomber is moving quickly from square-ish leg. 60:40. MINE! yells Bomber. JW continue to follow the ball. 50:50. The rest writes itself. True to Newton's 2nd law about force = mass x velocity JW is polaxed. Bomber is also on the ground. So is the ball, nestled between them. Great Canfield meets the Keystone Cops. Okay its not that funny but it did kind of sum up a comedy of errors sort of day. For those with a weak constitution look away now.

It was tough getting a team due to injury (Mike is on painkillers due to knackering his neck and shoulder last Sunday, Andy Goodwin has a badly cut hand) illness (Andy Davis got a virus or food poisoning ruling him out of this game and the 20:20 played on Friday against Dunmow - which we lost), holidays (Ali on some kind of gastro-sailing holiday to Amsterdam, Steve had taken the kids to Thorpe Park) and work (Bretty, Brucie, et al). So we were done to 9 and that included Ed, his mate Nick Coupe and young Tom Pierson making his debut. Angus got Andy and Tim to guest at short notice so we had 11 but it was not our strongest line-up, esp in the batting/bowling/fielding depts. Abridge had their A Team out. Joy.

I won the toss and put them in on the basis that everyone making the effort to turn out for Canfield would at least get a bat. They made 302 for 4 in 39 overs and smacked us all over the park. Tim bowled very well without any luck and well done to young Nick Coupe for his 2-33 off 4 overs. I got the other two wickets, including their larger-than-life skipper John first ball with probably my best delivery of the season. We needed something to save us. There was no way our batting line up would survive 20 overs let alone 40.

Thank the lord for the rain. Just before tea it started (Canfield had missed all the rain in the morning) so we came off an over early. Then the heavens opened. For over an hour - the wicket was actually flooded at one stage and Paul took some snaps for prosperity. It thundered, it lightening-ed, it hailed. Match abandoned. Bad luck Abridge. We still have out unbeaten record at home.

Canfield Man of the Match: Angus - for great 'keeping all day. Our bowlers (me included) ought to be very grateful considering the amount of legside rubbish he has to deal with at the moment.

Champagne Moment: My delivery to snare John their Captain first ball.

Keystone Cops Moment: JW and Bomber's bumps-a-daisy

Pre-Match Quote: Angus "It'll be sunny like this ALL AFTERNOON....."

Thanks to Ruth for standing in at the 12th hour to do tea when no-one else could. I think it is PoB's turn next Saturday (home vs Dunmow, 2pm for a 2.30 start) can someone tell Patrick please? Thanks also for Tim and Andy for helping us out and such short notice and sorry you never got a bat boys. Well done Tom P who bowled his 2 overs at the end very well (and returned better figures than Bomber!).

A note to all bowlers. There are 3 stumps. The space to the left (if bowling to a right hander) is outside off. That's were we should all try and aim. The bit on the right is 'down leg side'. Avoid bowling there when we have a short legside boundary to defend. And lets all try to pitch it up? Needless to say this advice applies to me as much as anyone. But come along now, enough is enough.

'till Saturday.

Preecherman

A Grand Day Oot

This week's Captain's Blog is penned by guest blogster 'Yorkshire Dave', Captain of Rayleigh who were Canfield's visitors on Saturday. Preecherman is otherwise engaged rearranging his sock draw.

Eh up Canfield, Dave here. 'Twas smashing seeing all you folks again on Saturday. Eeeh it were a right grand day oot. (I don't think I'm going to be able keep this 3rd person Yorkshire narrative up for the whole blog but bear with it). Captain's Blog's post bag has been near brimming with letters this week in response to Preeherman's Chin Up Lyndsell posting. Here's a selection:

Dear Sirs

It has come to my attention that your so-called Captain's Blog of last week crossed that 'invisible line' between good natured banter and serious provocation. For the record my facical complexion is not beetroot or blackcurrant but a healthy dark teak honed from hours rolling the square. I will exact my revenge on the pitch when I guest for Dunmow against Canfield in Friday's 20:20 game. Any repeat of your outrageous comments and I will be forced to play the whole game in a balaclava.

Yours

Mr S. Niper, Lyndsell

O0h dearire, dearie me. Whatever has Preecherman been doing? I have to say that as visiting Captain I can vouch for Canfield's skipper as nothing if not polite and respectful... even for a shandy drinking soft southerner. Here's another letter

Dear Sirs

We have heard a lot about this thing called Captain's Blog. May we ask what a blog actually is, please?

Yours

Lyndsell CC

Certainly. In Yorkshire a blog is a rarely used cricketing term with two meanings 1) a shot to mid-wicket which is half block and half slog - blog. 2) a word used to describe a tall, bearded leg spinner who moans all the time (ooh - look at the bowler shouting at his own fielders, what a complete blog he is). I hope that helps you all, Lyndsell. Keep your chin up lads, eh?

Anyroad up, we at Rayleigh had a first class game against Canfield on Saturday. Your skip won a good toss and put you in. Despite bowling the first 10 overs tightly, we were down a couple of our usual openers and as our young attack tired, Ali (the funny one with the blue hat who serves behind the bar) and Andy smashed the ball all over t'ground. I'll tell thee somit, we thought they'd never stop scoring. In the end Ali reached his all time high score of 91 - a grand effort mate, well played lad - eventually being undone by our 12 year-old leggie (Dave - that is not going to make Ali feel any better). Andy hit a quick-fire 78 and with Steve Oakey chipping in with 20 and Bomber (eeh such a nice lad Bomber) 32 you lot notched up 276 in 40 overs in showers and sunshine. Well done Canfield. Bad luck to your guest bat Jeff who was out first ball - I guess Aussie grade cricket is not what it used to be! Head up son.

Post tea we showed true Yorkshire grit but were never really in with t'shout. I got a Boycott-esq 85 but the rest came and went. The wickets were shared between your bowlers with Ali, Charlie, Preecher, Steve, Will and young Ben Sully all contributing. In the end we held our nerve and with 200-odd for 8, you couldn't quite get us all out. What a super smashing game of cricket lads. We look forward to playing you again next season.

Right, black ones for work in one draw, sport socks (white) in another, leisure wear/casual next to the sport socks and all novelty socks (e.g. Christmas, Valentines Day, etc) nicely hidden away. Thanks to Dave for guesting this week and well done to his young team of first class cricketers who bowled well early doors and batted with considerable flair. Despite being a last minute conference pick last year I think they did more than enough to become a regular fixture. Dave told me Canfiled was the highlight of their season for the ground's splendor and for the welcome they get. That's nice to hear.

Man of the Match: Al - highest score ever and sooo close to that elusive 1st century. Top man

Champagne Moment: Me - for winning the toss !! (well, it was a good one to win...)

Thanks to Andy for tea and to Bretty and Jamie for ensuring the ground was playable and in top condition considering the weather.

It's a home match again next week vs Abridge. Hopefully we'll get a bit more sun than this weekend. But before then we have the 20:20 on Friday to deal with. I wonder if Sniper will remember me. Shall we play win-lose-draw?

Oh - I'm so naughty. Mind you, my old Maths teacher used to say I had a tendency to be 'difficult in the face of authority'. She should know, she's in Holloway Prison now doing life for a triple murder (seriously).

Go Go PowerRangers.

Right, pants drawer next...

Preeherman